Friendship is a special bond between two people that is unique to those individuals. You cannot simply explain any friendship because, like any relationship, each is different. I do not count my friends because the amount of friends you have should never matter. Some people seem to think that because they have more friends than someone else that they are somehow better or more liked by other people….this is not true. I have learned that having a large group of friends is not always a good thing. Yes, you have plenty of people to call and hang out with on the weekends, but how many of those people are truly there for you when you need something? In most cases, not many. I value each one of my friendships and I feel blessed to have people who are there for me and care about me. I have no need for “fake” friends. There are many people that I socialize with who I can enjoy being around but that does not mean that these people are my friends; they are merely acquaintances. Not every Facebook friend I have is an actual FRIEND to me. Friends are people who are there when you need someone, don’t judge you when you make mistakes, give you advice when you need it, tell you when you are wrong, don’t lie to you, and truly care about you.
Two of my closest friends are in heaven right now watching over us. Sarah was a very outspoken, enthusiastic, fun-loving person with a big heart. She was confident in herself and always had a beautiful smile on her face. She was the type of friend who would drop whatever she was doing to be there for me when I was upset or needed help with something. She was not selfish and she always knew what to say when I needed someone to talk to. We were inseparable most of the time. Much like me, Sarah loved trying new things and doing different types of activities, so we did a lot together. When she died suddenly in March 2011 in a car accident, I experienced emotions that I had never felt before and I had hoped I never would. I had lost one of the people who I was closest to and I felt an emptiness that was more painful than anything I had ever felt.
Brandon took his own life 4 months later, in July 2011. Like Sarah, he was one of my closest friends. He could make anyone laugh and he loved to have a good time, but deep down he was shy and very caring. I could tell him absolutely anything and he confided in me as well. We trusted each other and no matter what he could always cheer me up. I could be 100% myself around him. It is difficult to explain our friendship because we were different from each other in so many ways and many people did not understand, but I know that I will never have a friendship like that with anyone else again. When he died, during the initial period of shock and disbelief, I assumed that I would feel the same way I had when I lost Sarah, but I didn’t. I felt a completely different type of hurt along with feelings of guilt and uncertainty. It was no accident; he had wanted to die and that made everything feel different.
To lose two people who meant so much to me in such a short period of time was extremely hard. I still miss them everyday. I have learned to truly cherish the friends I have left because I don’t know how long they will be here with me. I don’t care how many more people I can add to my list of friends; I care more about being a good friend to the ones I have. That is what really matters.
I am so lucky to have had the chance to know them and I know that I will see both of them again someday =)
RIP Brandon T. McLean 2/14/88-7/7/11 and Sarah E. Brown 6/18/87-3/5/11