Lately I have begun to feel an increasing feeling of constant anxiety. Not only have I reached the beginning of my toughest time of year, but April is just around the corner and so is the end of my 1 year probation period in which I am forbidden to have contact with Matt. I’m terrified, not only because i’m not sure how it will go or if I will be in any trouble, but also because there with be nothing legally keeping us from communicating. At least during the past 10 months I have been able to tell myself that he CANT talk to me even if he wants to. After April 4, if he doesn’t talk to me it’s because he doesn’t want to. I’m not sure if I can handle the reality of it if that is the case. I have waited over a year and to have my hopes destroyed will also destroy me. I’m so scared. I have learned many things over the past year and I pray that I will have the strength to keep fighting once April comes. I also pray that I have the strength to know my limits during that fight.
7 weeks February 11, 2013