It has been over a year since I have spoken to Matthew. It’s crazy to think that it has been this long. I still think about him everyday and I still feel the sting in my heart. I know that I WAS WRONG. I am not afraid to admit that. Yes I have discovered my flaws, take responsibility for my faults, have learned from my mistakes, and have been working to change myself. Many things have changed, including my love for him. I love him more and more each day…not because I miss him, but because I know what else is out there and I know now more than ever that Matthew is the only person I want to be with. It is funny that when I am around other guys they think that they can put on their charm and I will fall for it….I don’t. From the moment I meet them I am picking out every single thing wrong with them from their appearance to the way they talk and the way they act. I find it repulsive the way that most of them act towards girls. I also find it sad when there are truly nice guys that don’t stand a chance simply because I have my heart set on one person and that isn’t going to change. Some may see it as rediculous the way that I compare everyone to Matt. I know what I want and that’s that. If someone notices the color of my nails or that my outfit doesn’t match i don’t care bc I know that Matt wouldn’t be able to tell if my clothes didnt match and he never could tell exactly what color my nails were because he is color blind. I DONT want someone who isn’t. I don’t want someone who doesn’t wear Fox Racing clothing or someone who doesn’t know how to work on cars. I don’t want someone who doesn’t pronounce HELL as HAIL. I don’t want someone who can read really fast. I only want Matt. I love everything about him, his smile, his laugh, his random twitches, his love for motocross and trucks, the way he looks when he is sleeping, his walk, his voice, his rough hands, his scars, his ear hair, his non perfect teeth, his friends, his family, his home, his dog, his favorite tv shows (which are also mine), the way he goes with the flow, his inner child, his work ethic, his responsible lifestyle, his little phrases….everything. No one can every replace him because he is everything to me STILL.
I Still Love Him <3 March 13, 2013