It’s a wonder how I get anything done during the day or manage to function at all due to my lack of sleep. It’s impossible for me to fall asleep when my mind is racing so fast….thinking about the many things I have to get done the next day, wondering if I will have bad dreams once I fall asleep and trying to rack my brain for what to do to continually be better each day. Not to mention the depressed feeling that stays with me and seems to become worse at night when i’m alone in my bed with thoughts of my past and future flashing through my mind at lightening speed. My body can be exhausted and my eyes burning yet I can’t fall asleep. My mind is consumed mostly by him…the one that got away, the one who is my whole world. I wish I could just stop this and sleep and eat and be normal. Im not sure if I even know what “normal” is for me anymore. Am I supposed to keep living my life as I do?…where everything I do depends on someone who doesn’t want to be in my life. OR should I not try to change and continue on as I always have because there are people that will love me just as I am? I’m just following my heart. I know what I feel and what I want and regardless of others’ opinions I am going to do what I know in my heart is right. Will I end up happy by going down this road? I don’t know. I just need a little faith.
Insomnia March 27, 2013