LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Too Much Time on My Hands July 31, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 7:09 pm

I’m now in the middle of my 11 day vacation.  I haven’t done much of anything.  Took my final and finished up my classes, went and played putt putt….but mostly just the usual things around the house and just relaxing.  No Atlantic City trip for me.  I couldn’t afford it after my car incident happened and I couldn’t really see myself having fun with just Megan and her boyfriend (my cousin).
Spending so much time at home alone has given me a lot of time to think.  What do I think about?  Well if anyone follows this blog it shouldn’t be hard to figure out…Matt.  As time goes by, my feelings don’t change.  I still love him more than anything and no one will ever compare to him in my eyes.  Sure one day I may settle down with someone but is it fair to do that if I still wish I could be with Matt?  No matter who I’m with or what I’m doing I cannot get him out of my head.  I tend to do things to make it worse too.  When I’m shopping I migrate over to the men’s section only to look at the things that would look nice on him and I watch motocross whenever it comes on tv.  I was at Buffalo Wild Wings with a bunch of people a couple weekends ago and as everyone was socializing I had my eyes glued to the tv and I watched Ryan Dungee win the race.  No one else at the table shared my enthusiasm of course but I didnt care.  I remember wishing that Matt was there. 
I keep hoping that one day he will talk to me again.  It’s awful when I dream about seeing him and then I wake up to realize it was only a dream.  Sometines I sleep half the day away because I wake up and then just go back to sleep because I don’t want the dream to end.
I can’t turn off the feelings I have and I can’t make myself want to move on.  He is the one I was meant to spend my life with and I won’t give up on that.

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