LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Bad Day Turned Good Night Turned Bad Night August 1, 2013

Filed under: Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 2:50 pm
Tags: ,

Yesterday was awful.  I stayed in bed all day crying because I miss Matt. I kept falling asleep and dreaming about him and then I’d wake up and cry some more.  Megan came over and tried to cheer me up.  She got out a notebook and made me name 10 things that make me smile and laugh.  It distracted me for a bit.  We decided to go out for Mexican food since neither of us had eaten all day.  We sit at the bar and in walks this older couple.  They sit next to us and we all start talking.  We talk about everything from our favorite drinks to our jobs to how they met to Megan and Sean to Matt and I.  They gave us advice about life and relationships.  I feel like we met them for a reason.  They were fun, friendly, genuine people and they provided us with a different perspective about a lot of things.  I was finally smiling. 
Then Megan was texting Jeremy (Matt’s friend) He told her he wanted to see her.  Of course he was with Matt though.  Megan told him I had left so he told her where they were.  We asked the couple what we should do.  They told us to go and for me to be strong because I never know what could happen.  So we drive all the way to the west end to this bar.  Once we get there I lose it.  I start crying and I can’t get out of the car.  Megan went inside to see Jeremy while I sat in the car.  I was scared.  I didnt want Matt to be mad that I was there and I didnt know if I could hold myself together if I saw him.  On the way back Megan drives because I am sobbing non stop.  It’s pathetic I know.  But I can’t hold it back sometimes.  He’s the most important thing in the world to me and it kills me that I can’t talk to him.  I wish I could take back what I did but on the other hand I know that I am a better person now because of it. 
I hurt the one person I love the most and I will never forgive myself for that.  I just want to be with him. 


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