LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Staying Positive October 29, 2013

Filed under: Goals — larenar13 @ 5:09 pm

I have decided to continue with both of my classes.  Even though it is difficult, I have already made it through 10 out of 16 weeks.  I stayed up until almost 2am this morning to catch up on my assignments.  I feel confident that i can succeed if I keep a positive attitude.  I have 2 exams next week so I have a lot of studying to do.  All I have to do is manage my time and devote most of my time to my school work. 
It really sucks that after only 4 hours of sleep, my boss was a total Bitch this morning.  But I know she is dealing with some tough things outside of work so I need to just brush it off.  I can’t let that bother me.  Even though she can be difficult I know that she cares.  I really do love my job and im lucky to work at a place where I enjoy what I do.  It is hard right now because I am the only one that is fully trained but my boss needs me to do my best.  Things will get easier once the other girls are trained.  It will take time. 
I know things will calm down after this semester.  I will no longer have to worry about school and I can have more time to relax.  I’m eager to get there.  I’m going to push myself and make sure I succeed.


My heart is broken October 28, 2013

Filed under: Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 4:52 am


Stretched Too Thin

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 12:51 am

I’ve been having a tough time lately.  I’m extremely stressed out.  School is the main reason.  I have so much to study and not enough time or energy to do it.  All I want to do is rest and not think constantly about all the things I need to get done.  I barely eat and I’m lucky to get 5 hours of sleep a night during the week.  Then I sleep an entire day away on the weekends to make up for it and then I’m drained from the week so I put off doing my school work until the end of the weekend when I get extremely anxious because I am running out of time.  This pessimistic feeling is the worst.  I want so badly to finish this semester and have it all over with.  But I am being stretched too thin.  In the past, I never took more than one difficult class at once while working and I managed just fine.  This semester is different.  I am struggling to keep up and I feel as though everything outside of school is falling apart as well.  Work has become increasingly stressful.  I am in charge, therefore it is my responsibility to ensure that everything runs smoothly and when it doesn’t I have to fix it.  I feel like I am the only one I can rely on sometimes and with my lack of sleep I have become less focused at work so now I can’t even rely on myself.  I have no one that is trained well enough to take my place in my absence so I couldn’t take off time even if I really needed it…and I really need it now.  The closest person to that has decided to switch positions in the practice and will soon be working at the front desk.  She has become a lot less eager to learn and not willing to work as hard as she once did.  I am being forced to throw someone in who has only been working for me for about 4 months.  I’m constantly correcting her mistakes because she isn’t ready to do the things I need her to do yet.  There are procedures that only I know how to do so even when I have other duties to get done, I have to do those things as well since I’m the only one who can.  I have been getting off work later than usual too.  I wish I could relax after work but I can’t do that either.  I have class every night after work and by the time class is over I feel so exhausted from my long day and I don’t have the energy to study.  Now I have someone else new to train at work and that has only added to my anxiety.  

Apart from school and work, I have no time for any of my other responsibilities.  My room doesn’t stay clean like it usually does, my bills aren’t paid ahead, I’m lucky to eat one whole meal a day and all i want to do it sleep but can’t.  I’m running on E constantly it feels like.  

I have other options of course but none of which will make me feel better.  If i withdrawal from one of my classes I will be able to focus more on the one class and I will have more time to relax; however, I will be disappointed in myself when I have to wait an entire year to apply to hygiene school and I will have to take that class next spring.   I could withdrawal from both classes and then I could focus mainly on work but then again I would be on that disappointment boat again.  I do not have the option to slow down at work or take some time off because I need the money and I don’t have anyone I can trust with my job.  

I am so torn.  I want to be done with these classes so bad and I know I set myself up for this when I decided to take both of them in the same semester but I am on a time limit.  If I didn’t have to complete both classes prior to January in order to apply I would be fine.  But things didn’t go as planned in past semesters so I am stuck with either being extremely stressed out for another 6 weeks or postponing school for another year.  I know that I have made it through more than half of the semester and I should just hold on and keep trying, but I don’t think I can get an A in both classes if I do.  The last day to withdrawal from a class is in 2 days and I really need to make a decision.  I honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this.  It is beyond difficult.  I wish there was something I could do to make things easier without screwing up everything I have planned for.  

The reason why I am posting this now instead of studying is because when I’m studying I get extremely anxious and I panic, thinking that I can’t succeed.  I thought maybe letting out how i feel may help me to focus better.  We’ll see if this works.  Wish me luck!



Linden’s Druid horoscope October 24, 2013

Filed under: Good to know,Who I am — larenar13 @ 5:32 am

Linden’s Druid horoscope

Bees are drawn to the lovely Linden Tree, and the honey produced from this tree is considered exceptionally good. That’s why the Linden was once considered sacred. This tree is symbolic of divine power and luck. Its heart-shaped leaves remind us that it also represents love. Linden people are very pleasant and amiable, and they are well aware how charming they are. They know how to impress and draw people’s attention. When it comes to others, they have great insight into personalities. At the same time, however, they are quite clueless about themselves.

The Linden Tree person’s greatest desire is to live an easy, joyful, carefree, and luxurious life. They ultimately want to achieve a peaceful existence with the chance to simply be lazy. However, if they do achieve these goals, they may suddenly find themselves miserable.

Linden people are often shy. They are pensive people with a tendency to worry for no reason. They rarely have any specific life goals, but when they do they will easily sacrifice their dreams for their loved ones. Linden Tree people are also very free-spirited. When dealing with an obstacle, they usually don’t bother trying to overcome it. Instead they will take a detour, and along the way, they may forget where they were heading.

Tragically, Lindens can live their entire lives swept up in an utter feeling of sadness; the problem is that they may do nothing to help themselves climb out of this situation – though of course this trait can be changed. Linden people tend to have mood swings, and their feelings are unpredictable. Within a very short time period Lindens can go through a full spectrum of emotions, which can vary from despair to extreme contentment. All these qualities make it nearly impossible for others to understand Linden. Ironically, though, when it comes to interaction with the rest of the world, this sign can be very amiable and comforting.

A Linden Tree person usually has no desire to become a leader. He or she is more preoccupied with being likable, rather than focusing on becoming powerful. It is more fun for Lindens to establish a close friendship than to boss others around. Linden people are not always the most reliable, but they compensate for it with their niceness. When dealing with daily routine, Lindens are very practical. They enjoy coming up with new, untried solutions.

Linden Tree people can be especially lucky in love if they can be more maternal than their partner. They like to feel responsible for their significant other. And although they have high self-esteem and great self-respect, they can be very suspicious and jealous, sometimes without any reason.

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Catching Up October 19, 2013

Filed under: Fun Stuff,Goals,Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 5:07 am

I just realized it has been over 2 months since my last post.  Wow.  I can’t believe it has been that long.  I have a lot to catch up on….

School is going alright.  It has definitely worn me out lately.  Working full time and going to class 4 nights a week is getting really old.  I have little time for anything else.  I am learning a lot but I am definitely ready for this to be over.  Microbiology is quite boring, however my anatomy & physiology class is very interesting…and tough.  My second exam was last week.  It covered blood, the heart and the blood vessels.  The heart and its functions are very complex and I was extremely nervous because I did not study as hard for this test.  I got a B on it which isn’t bad but I know that I could do much better.  I need to get focused again.  Lately, I have been slacking.  I needed a bit of a break from non stop studying.  Hopefully I can get back on track and raise my grade.  Currently i have an A in both classes but that can easily change if I am not careful.  It is very important that I maintain my 4.0 so that I can have a better chance of being accepted into Dental Hygiene school next spring.  I am going to try my very best.

My sister’s baby shower was a couple weeks ago.  I cannot believe that the baby will be here next month!  I can’t wait!  Her name is Madison Nicole.  My sister gave her my middle name which means so much to me.  She has also decided that Madison will call me Aunt Nikki and has already started calling me that whenever we talk about the baby.  It has taken me some time to warm up to that.  haha.  Madison already has a full wardrobe and her closet is stocked with plenty of punk rock princess clothing and things that say “I love my auntie” thanks to me.  I saw a 3D picture of her that was taken last week and she is so beautiful 🙂  I’m so excited for Shana and Wesley….they are going to be such great parents!

BTW I don’t believe I have posted about the other baby on the way.  Wesley’s brother William and his girlfriend Jacqueline are also expecting a little boy (Mason) who is due the day after Madison.  That is so crazy but wonderful!  

I guess the main reason why I haven’t been posting lately is because I had something (or someone, rather) taking up a lot of my free time.  It is something I never expected to happen and I am still unsure why exactly I let it happen.  I met Dustin Rogers in July.  We began dating on August 8th and ended our relationship on October 6th.  It was short and sweet.  He is a great guy who treated me wonderful but of course it wasn’t meant to be.  I was upset when it ended, however I had a feeling from the very beginning that it wasn’t going to last.  He was the only person I had even thought about being with since Matt and i think it was because he was so similar to him.  Until I met him I honestly thought that there was no one in the world who could even compare to Matt in my eyes.  He had many of the same qualities that Matt had that I missed but he WASN’T Matt.  He lives 2 hours aware and I didn’t spend a lot of time with him. I treated him exceptionally well and I wanted so badly to make things work out but I think that i felt as though it was a second chance.  I screwed up with Matt and I was determined not to make any of the same mistakes again, which I didn’t.  I would never do that again.  I couldn’t fill the void in my heart with someone else.  I would still find myself thinking about Matt all the time, even when I was with Dustin.  We would be out somewhere and something would remind me of him and I would get this uneasy feeling.  I honestly don’t think that it is possible for me to be with someone else and not still think about Matt.  How could I do that if I am still so in love with him?  Dustin is a great guy and I do not regret meeting him.  I have some really good memories with him.  He is in the military and lives 2 hours away but he will be getting out of the military in 6 months and he has decided not to remain in Virginia.  It would be foolish to continue a relationship with someone when you know that you will have to end it 6 months down the road.  I think that I needed to be with someone different to be absolutely sure of how I feel about Matt.  I still believe that Matt and I are meant to be together.  Just because I dated someone else for a short time doesn’t mean I have moved on or that I don’t love him as much.  I have not seen or spoken to Matt since April 2012 and he has wanted nothing to do with me.  I didn’t know what else to do but try something different besides sitting around waiting for the impossible to happen.  Is it crazy for me to not give up? Is it crazy for me to still have hope? I don’t think it is because I know that you never know what the future holds and people who are meant to be will always find a way to be together no matter what.

There is so much more I need to write about and I will soon. It’s study time for me now.


Pisces horoscope for Oct 10 2013 October 10, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 4:21 am

Pisces horoscope for Oct 10 2013
At one time or another, you have probably heard a religious person say some variation of the following lines: If God leads you to it, He will lead you through it – or God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. And no matter what your religion or spiritual beliefs, you would love to think that this is true. However, Pisces, recent events have left you feeling somewhat deflated and disappointed and cynical. You don’t feel a spiritual presence leading you. In fact, you feel forsaken. But you are not forsaken. Benevolent forces are surrounding you now, and soon you will see proof that you are being guided and guarded.

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