LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Catching Up October 19, 2013

Filed under: Fun Stuff,Goals,Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 5:07 am

I just realized it has been over 2 months since my last post.  Wow.  I can’t believe it has been that long.  I have a lot to catch up on….

School is going alright.  It has definitely worn me out lately.  Working full time and going to class 4 nights a week is getting really old.  I have little time for anything else.  I am learning a lot but I am definitely ready for this to be over.  Microbiology is quite boring, however my anatomy & physiology class is very interesting…and tough.  My second exam was last week.  It covered blood, the heart and the blood vessels.  The heart and its functions are very complex and I was extremely nervous because I did not study as hard for this test.  I got a B on it which isn’t bad but I know that I could do much better.  I need to get focused again.  Lately, I have been slacking.  I needed a bit of a break from non stop studying.  Hopefully I can get back on track and raise my grade.  Currently i have an A in both classes but that can easily change if I am not careful.  It is very important that I maintain my 4.0 so that I can have a better chance of being accepted into Dental Hygiene school next spring.  I am going to try my very best.

My sister’s baby shower was a couple weeks ago.  I cannot believe that the baby will be here next month!  I can’t wait!  Her name is Madison Nicole.  My sister gave her my middle name which means so much to me.  She has also decided that Madison will call me Aunt Nikki and has already started calling me that whenever we talk about the baby.  It has taken me some time to warm up to that.  haha.  Madison already has a full wardrobe and her closet is stocked with plenty of punk rock princess clothing and things that say “I love my auntie” thanks to me.  I saw a 3D picture of her that was taken last week and she is so beautiful 🙂  I’m so excited for Shana and Wesley….they are going to be such great parents!

BTW I don’t believe I have posted about the other baby on the way.  Wesley’s brother William and his girlfriend Jacqueline are also expecting a little boy (Mason) who is due the day after Madison.  That is so crazy but wonderful!  

I guess the main reason why I haven’t been posting lately is because I had something (or someone, rather) taking up a lot of my free time.  It is something I never expected to happen and I am still unsure why exactly I let it happen.  I met Dustin Rogers in July.  We began dating on August 8th and ended our relationship on October 6th.  It was short and sweet.  He is a great guy who treated me wonderful but of course it wasn’t meant to be.  I was upset when it ended, however I had a feeling from the very beginning that it wasn’t going to last.  He was the only person I had even thought about being with since Matt and i think it was because he was so similar to him.  Until I met him I honestly thought that there was no one in the world who could even compare to Matt in my eyes.  He had many of the same qualities that Matt had that I missed but he WASN’T Matt.  He lives 2 hours aware and I didn’t spend a lot of time with him. I treated him exceptionally well and I wanted so badly to make things work out but I think that i felt as though it was a second chance.  I screwed up with Matt and I was determined not to make any of the same mistakes again, which I didn’t.  I would never do that again.  I couldn’t fill the void in my heart with someone else.  I would still find myself thinking about Matt all the time, even when I was with Dustin.  We would be out somewhere and something would remind me of him and I would get this uneasy feeling.  I honestly don’t think that it is possible for me to be with someone else and not still think about Matt.  How could I do that if I am still so in love with him?  Dustin is a great guy and I do not regret meeting him.  I have some really good memories with him.  He is in the military and lives 2 hours away but he will be getting out of the military in 6 months and he has decided not to remain in Virginia.  It would be foolish to continue a relationship with someone when you know that you will have to end it 6 months down the road.  I think that I needed to be with someone different to be absolutely sure of how I feel about Matt.  I still believe that Matt and I are meant to be together.  Just because I dated someone else for a short time doesn’t mean I have moved on or that I don’t love him as much.  I have not seen or spoken to Matt since April 2012 and he has wanted nothing to do with me.  I didn’t know what else to do but try something different besides sitting around waiting for the impossible to happen.  Is it crazy for me to not give up? Is it crazy for me to still have hope? I don’t think it is because I know that you never know what the future holds and people who are meant to be will always find a way to be together no matter what.

There is so much more I need to write about and I will soon. It’s study time for me now.


One Response to “Catching Up”

  1. I miss you so much and wish to come see you soon. Your so amazing and so smart and you are doing so good with your classes and I’m very proud of you I know you will continue to do great keep your head up everything is going to be alright I will make sure that no matter what ever happens that I will always be here for you pray for you and you know I’m always a call away for anything anytime day and night I love you Lauren and just so thankful our paths crossed a few years ago you have truly made me so happy to just to have you in my life and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You have shown me what it’s like to be so loved and cared for and no matter what ever happens you will always have that special place in my heart.

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