LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Stretched Too Thin October 28, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 12:51 am

I’ve been having a tough time lately.  I’m extremely stressed out.  School is the main reason.  I have so much to study and not enough time or energy to do it.  All I want to do is rest and not think constantly about all the things I need to get done.  I barely eat and I’m lucky to get 5 hours of sleep a night during the week.  Then I sleep an entire day away on the weekends to make up for it and then I’m drained from the week so I put off doing my school work until the end of the weekend when I get extremely anxious because I am running out of time.  This pessimistic feeling is the worst.  I want so badly to finish this semester and have it all over with.  But I am being stretched too thin.  In the past, I never took more than one difficult class at once while working and I managed just fine.  This semester is different.  I am struggling to keep up and I feel as though everything outside of school is falling apart as well.  Work has become increasingly stressful.  I am in charge, therefore it is my responsibility to ensure that everything runs smoothly and when it doesn’t I have to fix it.  I feel like I am the only one I can rely on sometimes and with my lack of sleep I have become less focused at work so now I can’t even rely on myself.  I have no one that is trained well enough to take my place in my absence so I couldn’t take off time even if I really needed it…and I really need it now.  The closest person to that has decided to switch positions in the practice and will soon be working at the front desk.  She has become a lot less eager to learn and not willing to work as hard as she once did.  I am being forced to throw someone in who has only been working for me for about 4 months.  I’m constantly correcting her mistakes because she isn’t ready to do the things I need her to do yet.  There are procedures that only I know how to do so even when I have other duties to get done, I have to do those things as well since I’m the only one who can.  I have been getting off work later than usual too.  I wish I could relax after work but I can’t do that either.  I have class every night after work and by the time class is over I feel so exhausted from my long day and I don’t have the energy to study.  Now I have someone else new to train at work and that has only added to my anxiety.  

Apart from school and work, I have no time for any of my other responsibilities.  My room doesn’t stay clean like it usually does, my bills aren’t paid ahead, I’m lucky to eat one whole meal a day and all i want to do it sleep but can’t.  I’m running on E constantly it feels like.  

I have other options of course but none of which will make me feel better.  If i withdrawal from one of my classes I will be able to focus more on the one class and I will have more time to relax; however, I will be disappointed in myself when I have to wait an entire year to apply to hygiene school and I will have to take that class next spring.   I could withdrawal from both classes and then I could focus mainly on work but then again I would be on that disappointment boat again.  I do not have the option to slow down at work or take some time off because I need the money and I don’t have anyone I can trust with my job.  

I am so torn.  I want to be done with these classes so bad and I know I set myself up for this when I decided to take both of them in the same semester but I am on a time limit.  If I didn’t have to complete both classes prior to January in order to apply I would be fine.  But things didn’t go as planned in past semesters so I am stuck with either being extremely stressed out for another 6 weeks or postponing school for another year.  I know that I have made it through more than half of the semester and I should just hold on and keep trying, but I don’t think I can get an A in both classes if I do.  The last day to withdrawal from a class is in 2 days and I really need to make a decision.  I honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this.  It is beyond difficult.  I wish there was something I could do to make things easier without screwing up everything I have planned for.  

The reason why I am posting this now instead of studying is because when I’m studying I get extremely anxious and I panic, thinking that I can’t succeed.  I thought maybe letting out how i feel may help me to focus better.  We’ll see if this works.  Wish me luck!

 

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