LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Lack of Focus December 2, 2013

Filed under: Random,Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 2:25 am

I’ve been in bed all day.  Yes ALL day.  I haven’t even eaten anything today.  I have a hamper full if clean clothes to put away, a room to clean and a tree to put up, yet I haven’t moved at all.  My textbooks are sprawled across my bed.  I finished my homework assignments but I have a big test to study for and I’m having trouble staying focused….well that’s an understatement.  I actually haven’t began to study at all yet. My mind is on something else or someONE else rather.  I sent Matt another text message.  I knew I was only setting myself up for disappointment but I thought maybe just maybe he’d respond back again.  He did not.  Why would he?  The way I see it, he thinks that the girl he broke up with, the girl he last saw almost 2 years ago is the one texting him.  If I were him I wouldn’t want to talk to her either.  I’m not that girl anymore and I’d give anything for the opportunity to show him that.  I know it would take a lifetime to make things up to him but without a doubt I’m willing to do that.
My roommate Kacy has people over of course as always.  Not sure who all is here this time.  I feel like a loser sometimes because I don’t feel like going out there and socializing, most of the time because they are here late at night when I need to sleep for work in the morning. Other times I’m studying or just don’t feel like seeing anyone.  Kinda makes me sad because I don’t have many friends like that.  No one really comes over to see me.  I don’t smoke weed so I don’t have people constantly coming to get high like she does but I also don’t have many people to hang out with period.  I’m particular about my friends these days.  I’ve had some pretty crappy ones in the past especially females.  But I do get really lonely.  Unfortunately my two closest friends both died and ever since I haven’t been able to find anyone I can connect with like I did with them.  I’m at a point in my life now that I’m not really worried about being popular or having a bunch of friends.  I want to move on and get married, start a family and stay close with the few good friends I do have.  That’s hard to do when I’m at a stand still with my love life.  I feel like I’m just waiting to start the rest of my life.  I’m ready but I can’t do it alone.  I may be waiting forever but thats better than settling for something I don’t want.  If matt only knew just how much he means to me. 
Ok.  I need to focus….Urinary System, Fluid Balance and Digestive System.  It’s a lot to study.   =/


One Response to “Lack of Focus”

  1. I have felt the same way before and all it does is make me fall into a deep depressions. I may not have too many good true friends in the world but I have you Lauren and that’s all that matters and you know anytime you want me to come over and see you anytime just let me know a friend like you can never be too far away for me to come visit for anything.

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