LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Letter to Matthew February 17, 2014

Filed under: Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 5:58 am
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One of the reasons why I haven’t posted much lately is because I have been spending my evenings drafting a letter to Matthew.  I started to so many times in the past but just couldn’t find the words to say how I feel.  I began jotting down things into my phone here and there so that I didnt just sit down and write everything at once.  I do most of my best thinking while driving or when i’m some place where I can’t write anything down.  When I finally decided to get the courage to write the whole letter it took me hours.  I wrote it over several times before I was satisfied with it.  It ended up being 5 pages long.  I didn’t want it to be too long because Matt isn’t big on reading anything but there was no way I could say everything I wanted to without making it that long.  I haven’t sent it yet.  I keep thinking that after I do I will think of something else I should’ve written.  I WILL send it this week…..hopefully tomorrow.  I just pray he reads it.  I keep thinking What if he doesn’t even open it because he will know it’s from me?  I thought about printing address labels at work so he won’t be able to tell.  I still may do that.  Even if nothing changes and he feels no different after reading it, at least he will know how I feel.  I have no other way to tell him.  I cannot go on without telling him.  I love him with all my heart and I hope one day he will believe that. 

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