LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Today March 4, 2014

Filed under: Random,Who I am — larenar13 @ 5:59 am
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Today was rough.  I didn’t have to work so I was at home in bed all day….alone….with my thoughts.  The day got better when my cousin Sean picked me up and we went to dinner.  I needed to get out of the house and it’s always nice spending time with him.  He always makes me laugh.  I got to watch a couple of my favorite shows this evening so I guess it wasn’t such a bad day overall.  I just hate being trapped in the house alone and not being able to go anywhere.  I’m so tired of the snow.  I’m ready for spring.  Then I can sit outside and enjoy the outdoors instead of being stuck in the house. 
This week is going to be difficult.  My mother and I both lost our best friends during this week….Sarah 3 years ago and Sheila last year.  I need to make sure to spend a lot of time with my mom this week to help her through it. 
And as usual I must bring up Matthew.  I still don’t know what to do now that he has read my letter.  I guess the only thing I can do is wait.  I’m just scared that if I wait too long without doing anything that there will be no hope left.  And then i’ll beat myself up for not doing anything when I had the chance.  What if I never see or talk to him again?  I won’t be okay with that.  The pain of being without him is already so intense.  What if I have to feel this for the rest of my life?  I just want to be in his life in some way.  He’s a part of me and I can’t go on forever without that part.  I need it. I need him. 

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One Response to “Today”

  1. Don’t give up hope I have faith in you.


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