LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Quite a week April 5, 2014

Filed under: Good to know,Random,Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 12:04 am

Something significant has happened each day this week…
MONDAY: I broke the news to Dr. Gokli that I didn’t get in to dental hygiene school.  She was surprised and confused just like me.  I held a team meeting to go over everything that was talked about in the head assistant meeting I had last week and to review things that need improvement.  I also got a raise that afternoon.
TUESDAY: I drove my mom’s car to work and played an April fool’s joke on Dr. Gokli.  We made her think that another assistant and I were not there and my co-worker LaToya was the only one there with our busy schedule.  She started to panic when she got there but we were just hiding down the hall.  I met my ex boyfriend for lunch which was quite awkward.  It’s hard not to still hold a grudge against him for how he treated me.  But I know he’s much different now.  He has been trying for years to catch up and I have been against it but how can I expect Matt to ever see me again and forgive me if I can’t do the same for someone who wronged me?  That evening I had dinner at Shana and Wesley’s house.  It was reLly good!  I got to spend some time with my beautiful niece 🙂
WEDNESDAY: My great aunt went into open heart surgery but unfortunately did not make it out.  She is now an angel flying high above us all.  She will be greatly missed. 
THURSDAY: I worked half a day.  Dr. Gokli had taken the afternoon off.  I went by my parents to see my mom who is having a hard time with the loss of her aunt.  I spent some time with her and baby Madison.  When I got home I was in full-on cleaning mode.  I did laundry and cleaning the whole house.  Then I somehow allowed Lauren…yess THE Lauren, to convince me to hang out with her.  I hadn’t seen her in over a year and i ended up having one of the worst nights ever.  Richmond is not for me anymore and I don’t lije anything about those places or the kind of people who go there.  I guess after such a long time I had forgotten all the reasons why I had avoided her and those things but it didn’t take me long to realize again.  I have grown up and changed so much and I don’t belong around that stuff anymore.
TODAY: I have been in bed all day.  Im mad at myself for going to Richmond last night.  I knew better than to be around Lauren and all those people.  They have no respect for themselves or others.  It was just another reminder of how I used to be and I wish I could’ve realized all the things i know now back when it wasn’t too late.  I love Matt more than anything and I’m so ashamed of how I was before.  I was supposed to go to my great aunt’s visitation this evening but I can’t handle being around all those people two days in a row.  I don’t handle being in funeral homes well, no matter who it is that has passed away.  I will attend the funeral tomorrow.  I’m so lonely right now.  My friend Landon won’t answer my calls.  I really need someone to talk to.  He has become the person I feel like I can trust more than anyone.  I haven’t had someone in my life like that since Brandon.  I know he wouldn’t ignore me so maybe he’s asleep.  I really need to get up and eat something.  It has been about 30 hours since I last ate.  Hopefully my day will get better.

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