LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

My Beautiful Niece January 23, 2014

Filed under: Fun Stuff,Good to know,Random — larenar13 @ 7:22 am
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Madison Nicole.  I love her so much already and I look forward to all of the wonderful years ahead.  I may never have a child of my own but I will be the best aunt I can be to Madi. She is only two months old yet she has grown so much and changed and learned.  It is amazing just sitting with her and watching her take in everything around her.  She is fascinated by everything.  Then there are those random long moments where she seems to stare at nothing.  My sister says it’s because she sees angels and I believe that.  I believe that she can see Sarah and Brandon and that they talk to her.  Especially Sarah.  She was so good with children and she would’ve made a great mother.
When I hold Madi it is so hard to let go.  She is a special gift sent from God for us to love and I cherish every single moment with her.  I envy my sister for the life she has…a family.  I hope that I can experience the same things one day.  I can’t help but smile every time I see my niece.  No matter how bad my day is going or how upset or tired I am….her adorable smile brightens my day.  I am so glad to have her in my life and I am really happy for my sister.  Madi is amazing and her Aunt Nikki loves her!!

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6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person January 5, 2014

Filed under: Goals,Good to know — larenar13 @ 1:05 am

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person

I found this the other day while just browsing on the internet.  It is very different than anything else I have ever read that is supposed to inspire you to do better.  This writer comes off like a total asshole but he is actually just brutally honest.  I have never looked at life in this perspective before.  I believe that this is all true.  I mean if you really think about it, being nice and caring is great but what does that do for anyone?  People do always say that it matters most how you are on the inside but other people don’t hear your thoughts and know your intentions.  The only things they know are the things you do and what you can offer them.  There are so many people out there who are honest and caring but that isn’t everything.  

This article really has made me feel like I can improve significantly.  Yes I am a caring, honest, trustworthy person but I can be way more than that.  I can say I feel bad when someone is sick and I can tell them that I hope they feel better but I’m not doing a damn thing for them.  When I leave this world I want people to remember the wonderful things I did for them and the good I brought them, not just that I was a nice person.  

Nice people really do finish last.  They don’t fight for what they want or what they feel is right.  They sit back and let other people do that for them.  I am determined to become someone who other people are proud to know.  I want my family and friends and anyone else who knows me to not only think I am a good person but KNOW because I have done things to prove that.  Actions speak much louder than words and I can say over and over how much I have changed on the inside but if that is not reflected by my actions it doesn’t matter what I say.  People believe what they can see not what people tell them.  

I hope this article allows you to see things in a way that will make you want to become a better person and strive to give more to this world.  

 

Quotes That Remind Me of HIM <3 December 25, 2013

Filed under: Goals,Good to know,Relationships — larenar13 @ 5:56 am
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I find myself constantly browsing the internet for beautiful quotes that I can relate to.  It relaxes me and distracts me a bit so that I don’t just lay here crying because I miss Matt so much.  I must have hundreds of these saved on my phone.  There are not words that could possibly express how I feel about him but I really like these because they are all true.  I will always love him and I will miss him until either I can be with him again or until I die, whichever comes first.  True love NEVER dies and I believe anything is possible.  

 

5 Years December 21, 2013

Filed under: Goals,Good to know,Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 5:41 am
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I have begun to write today’s post over and over again, never making it past the first sentence.  Why?  Because it hurts to think about it.  But I have to do it.  I have to let it out.
5 years ago today I met the love of my life.  Matthew D. Heath.  He’s the most amazing person I know because he is the reason I have been able to accomplish so much.  If it weren’t for my undying love for him I wouldn’t have made it to where I am now.  He pushes me forward and encourages me without even knowing it.  I miss him every single day but the girl I was doesn’t deserve him.  I will continue to strive to become the very best I can be and pray to God that will be enough for him.  I cannot possibly describe the feelings that I have or the struggles I have gone through in the past 2 years without him.  But I am strong and I refuse to give in or give up.  No matter how hard it is or how far out of reach he seems I will make it there.  I will not stop until I am there.  I sit here now with tears rolling down my cheeks because I wish more than anything that we could be together right now.  He has no clue how much he means to me.  No clue.  I would give up anything in the world for the chance to talk to him face to face.  He is still my everything, my reason for carrying on, my encouragement, my number one goal.  I can only pray that one day he takes the time to read this blog and sees just how serious I am about how I feel.  He truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will love him forever.

 

Pisces horoscope for Nov 27 2013 November 27, 2013

Filed under: Good to know,Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 5:49 pm
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Pisces horoscope for Nov 27 2013
You have tried as hard and gone as far as you think you can with a certain goal. From where you stand it may appear that you haven’t gotten very far, despite your dedication and effort. But your perspective is skewed, Pisces. You aren’t seeing your accomplishment objectively. Before you throw in the towel, ask a trusted friend or loved one for their opinion on your progress. You may be quite surprised by how much admiration others have for you. You may not have gotten what you want yet, but you are very close. Don’t give up.

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It does feel as though I haven’t gotten anywhere with my situation.  I have tried so hard to change and grow and improve but how is Matt supposed to see that in me if he never sees or talks to me? We all know what my ultimate goal is and it seems so far out of reach but I would walk through hell just for another chance to be with him.  I’m to the point now that even a friendship with him would make me happy.  Of course I wouldn’t give up there but it would be progress.  I don’t care how long it takes.  Adam and Nick tell me all the time never to give up because they know how in love I am with him.  They are his friends before mine so why would they say that if they dont think its possible?  After all this time, I’m still holding on so tightly…that has to count for something right? 

 

It’s A Girl! November 13, 2013

Filed under: Fun Stuff,Good to know — larenar13 @ 5:47 am

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After spending 10 long hours at the hospital today, I finally got to meet my beautiful baby niece.  She is absolutely perfect.  I fell in love right away. 
I arrived at the hospital around noon today and waited along with a group of other anxious friends and family members.  My sister had a fairly quick and uncomplicated labor.  Madison Nicole Wallace was born at 4:22pm at 6lbs 1oz & 19in long.
Right as Madison was born, Jacqueline was also admitted and is to be induced tomorrow morning.  The baby cousins will be one day apart, as origionally planned.  That is so amazing! 
I cannot express how wonderful it was to hold such a miracle in my arms.  I can hardly believe I’m now an aunt.  There are so many awesome memories ahead with her and I cannot wait to spend as much time with her as I can. 
I truly hope that one day I will be able to experience the feeling of having a child of my own.  If or when that day comes, I know my sister will be there for me just as I am here for her now. 
Today is a very special day for all our family and friends and even though it felt like we have been waiting forever for her, Madison was definitely worth the wait!
Btw she has a pretty awesome birthday as well. 11-12-13
I’m going to visit again tomorrow.  Right now I really need to rest. 

 

Proverbs 20:30 November 8, 2013

Filed under: Fun Stuff,Goals,Good to know,Who I am — larenar13 @ 8:13 am

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I don’t think I ever posted anything about my most recent tattoo which is odd.  I’ve had it for about 5 months now.  This tattoo, like the others, means a lot to me.  None of my tattoos are pointless or were done spontaneously.  They all have special meaning and none of them would be found on the internet or in some book at the tattoo shop.  I like them to be origional and unique. 
This tattoo represents my life and the lessons I have learned.  I have had a rough past few years and I have lost so much during that time.  But I am strong willed and I will always persevere. 
I happened upon this bible verse one day and it fit me perfectly.  I wanted to get something that would relate to everything I have been going through for the past couple of years.  I’m extremely proud of myself for learning from my mistakes and working to change and become a better person.  In the process I have learned so much and grown up a great deal.  It is very true that a painful situation has made me change my ways. I am still growing and changing and trying to become the best I can be.  I hate what I did in the past and I wish that i could make it all go away but I can’t.  The only thing i can do is take responsibility for it, apologize, and learn from it to help me in the future.