LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Pisces horoscope for Nov 8 2013 November 8, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 7:21 am

Pisces horoscope for Nov 8 2013
A stress-inducing situation may be unfolding in your life. If so, it could be causing you a lot of unnecessary angst. The more nervous and worried you get, the worse you feel. And the worse you feel, the more you worry. What you need to do instead of squandering all that energy on the negative is to pour it into positive thoughts and affirmations. All is not lost, Pisces. In fact, the universe is beginning to shine a golden light down on you. If you make a conscious choice to accept only good thoughts and to cancel out any negative thoughts you will find that your state of mind – and your situation – will get better and better.

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I sure hope so. Most of the thoughts running through my head are negative. Not about my family, work, school, etc. But about the one thing I strive for…happiness. My life is good for the most part, but I’m constantly reminded lately of how I should be entering the next phase of my life. I’m almost 26 years old. When people ask me how old I am they are always surprised that I’m older than they guessed. I guess that should make me feel good that I look younger than I am. It actually makes me think about how I’m supposed to be moving on with my life instead of being at the same level as these younger people. There are a bunch of girls at work who are younger than me that have a husband and children. I’m the only one who is alone. I feel like I’m running out of time. I know that sounds crazy but life is short and I could be enjoying my life right now with the one I love and possibly a family of my own but instead im sitting around waiting for that to MAYBE happen one day. That makes it very hard to think positive. I am going to try though.

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Stretched Too Thin October 28, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 12:51 am

I’ve been having a tough time lately.  I’m extremely stressed out.  School is the main reason.  I have so much to study and not enough time or energy to do it.  All I want to do is rest and not think constantly about all the things I need to get done.  I barely eat and I’m lucky to get 5 hours of sleep a night during the week.  Then I sleep an entire day away on the weekends to make up for it and then I’m drained from the week so I put off doing my school work until the end of the weekend when I get extremely anxious because I am running out of time.  This pessimistic feeling is the worst.  I want so badly to finish this semester and have it all over with.  But I am being stretched too thin.  In the past, I never took more than one difficult class at once while working and I managed just fine.  This semester is different.  I am struggling to keep up and I feel as though everything outside of school is falling apart as well.  Work has become increasingly stressful.  I am in charge, therefore it is my responsibility to ensure that everything runs smoothly and when it doesn’t I have to fix it.  I feel like I am the only one I can rely on sometimes and with my lack of sleep I have become less focused at work so now I can’t even rely on myself.  I have no one that is trained well enough to take my place in my absence so I couldn’t take off time even if I really needed it…and I really need it now.  The closest person to that has decided to switch positions in the practice and will soon be working at the front desk.  She has become a lot less eager to learn and not willing to work as hard as she once did.  I am being forced to throw someone in who has only been working for me for about 4 months.  I’m constantly correcting her mistakes because she isn’t ready to do the things I need her to do yet.  There are procedures that only I know how to do so even when I have other duties to get done, I have to do those things as well since I’m the only one who can.  I have been getting off work later than usual too.  I wish I could relax after work but I can’t do that either.  I have class every night after work and by the time class is over I feel so exhausted from my long day and I don’t have the energy to study.  Now I have someone else new to train at work and that has only added to my anxiety.  

Apart from school and work, I have no time for any of my other responsibilities.  My room doesn’t stay clean like it usually does, my bills aren’t paid ahead, I’m lucky to eat one whole meal a day and all i want to do it sleep but can’t.  I’m running on E constantly it feels like.  

I have other options of course but none of which will make me feel better.  If i withdrawal from one of my classes I will be able to focus more on the one class and I will have more time to relax; however, I will be disappointed in myself when I have to wait an entire year to apply to hygiene school and I will have to take that class next spring.   I could withdrawal from both classes and then I could focus mainly on work but then again I would be on that disappointment boat again.  I do not have the option to slow down at work or take some time off because I need the money and I don’t have anyone I can trust with my job.  

I am so torn.  I want to be done with these classes so bad and I know I set myself up for this when I decided to take both of them in the same semester but I am on a time limit.  If I didn’t have to complete both classes prior to January in order to apply I would be fine.  But things didn’t go as planned in past semesters so I am stuck with either being extremely stressed out for another 6 weeks or postponing school for another year.  I know that I have made it through more than half of the semester and I should just hold on and keep trying, but I don’t think I can get an A in both classes if I do.  The last day to withdrawal from a class is in 2 days and I really need to make a decision.  I honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this.  It is beyond difficult.  I wish there was something I could do to make things easier without screwing up everything I have planned for.  

The reason why I am posting this now instead of studying is because when I’m studying I get extremely anxious and I panic, thinking that I can’t succeed.  I thought maybe letting out how i feel may help me to focus better.  We’ll see if this works.  Wish me luck!

 

 

Pisces horoscope for Oct 10 2013 October 10, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 4:21 am

Pisces horoscope for Oct 10 2013
At one time or another, you have probably heard a religious person say some variation of the following lines: If God leads you to it, He will lead you through it – or God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. And no matter what your religion or spiritual beliefs, you would love to think that this is true. However, Pisces, recent events have left you feeling somewhat deflated and disappointed and cynical. You don’t feel a spiritual presence leading you. In fact, you feel forsaken. But you are not forsaken. Benevolent forces are surrounding you now, and soon you will see proof that you are being guided and guarded.

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Pisces horoscope for Sep 7 2013 September 7, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 4:56 am

Pisces horoscope for Sep 7 2013
It is hard to believe that summer is over – especially for you, Pisces. Although you were born at the end of winter, you are very much a child of the summer because the summer reflects your carefree spirit and your lush personality. Each year it is hard to part with the end of carefree days, but this year it may seem particularly difficult for you. Maybe you didn’t fulfill the hopes and dreams you had for the summer months, and now you may think it’s too late. But there are still chances yet to come that will allow you to fulfill some of your fantasies. And besides, the fall holds quite a lot of promise for you too!

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I Just Want Him July 31, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 8:28 pm

I can’t stop crying.  I’m tired of waiting.  I love Matthew more than anything in this world and I would give up anything just to be with him.  He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Why couldn’t  see that??  I was naive I was stupid I was convinced that there had to be something wrong with our relationship.  I kept thinking that until I started CREATING problems and making things wrong with it.  Why??? Why was I so stupid?  Why did I throw away my future?  I hate what I did!  It kills me that I’ll never feel that kind of love again and I’ll never know what it feels like on my wedding day or the day I have my first child.  I look at my sister and I wish I could have the things she has…a loving husband and a precious child on the way.  But I can’t have those things…at least not with someone that I’m in love with.  I don’t want it with anyone else and I threw away that chance.  Im miserable.  I just want another chance

 

Too Much Time on My Hands

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 7:09 pm

I’m now in the middle of my 11 day vacation.  I haven’t done much of anything.  Took my final and finished up my classes, went and played putt putt….but mostly just the usual things around the house and just relaxing.  No Atlantic City trip for me.  I couldn’t afford it after my car incident happened and I couldn’t really see myself having fun with just Megan and her boyfriend (my cousin).
Spending so much time at home alone has given me a lot of time to think.  What do I think about?  Well if anyone follows this blog it shouldn’t be hard to figure out…Matt.  As time goes by, my feelings don’t change.  I still love him more than anything and no one will ever compare to him in my eyes.  Sure one day I may settle down with someone but is it fair to do that if I still wish I could be with Matt?  No matter who I’m with or what I’m doing I cannot get him out of my head.  I tend to do things to make it worse too.  When I’m shopping I migrate over to the men’s section only to look at the things that would look nice on him and I watch motocross whenever it comes on tv.  I was at Buffalo Wild Wings with a bunch of people a couple weekends ago and as everyone was socializing I had my eyes glued to the tv and I watched Ryan Dungee win the race.  No one else at the table shared my enthusiasm of course but I didnt care.  I remember wishing that Matt was there. 
I keep hoping that one day he will talk to me again.  It’s awful when I dream about seeing him and then I wake up to realize it was only a dream.  Sometines I sleep half the day away because I wake up and then just go back to sleep because I don’t want the dream to end.
I can’t turn off the feelings I have and I can’t make myself want to move on.  He is the one I was meant to spend my life with and I won’t give up on that.

 

Home Stretch July 27, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — larenar13 @ 8:48 pm

It’s down to the last few days of the semester and I’m feeling really anxious.  I know I need to get an A in both classes to keep my 4.0.  I’m confident about my Chemistry class bc I have like a 98 and the only thing left is my final.  It’s my public speaking class I’m worried about.  I had an A until my last speech.  I had strep throat and left work early so I didn’t have a chance to print out my speaking notes to turn in.  Plus I felt horrible when I got to class.  I didn’t do that bad but the lack of speaking notes really hurt my grade.  I got a 73 on it, which is way better than the 0 I would’ve received had I not shown up but I’m still disappointed.  My overall grade for the class right now is a 91 and of course my teacher has set the scale higher so that an A is a 93 or above.  I have a couple things to do for extra credit and then my final speech on Monday so I have my fingers crossed that I’ll end up with an A.  I still have a lack of energy from being sick so I’m not very motivated to finish everything but I know I can do it!  I always end up doing much better than I think I will.  I’ve also learning during the past few semesters that I’m a lot smarter than I thought.  I know I have it in me to succeed and make it to Hygiene school next year.  Two more classes to go!  I’m so excited!!!