LaLa's Blog

My thoughts put into words

Pisces horoscope for Jul 21 2014 July 23, 2014

Filed under: Fun Stuff,Goals,Good to know,Who I am — larenar13 @ 3:57 am

Pisces horoscope for Jul 21 2014
An opportunity or a dream or even a friendship that you thought would be incredibly successful has instead left you feeling disappointed and disillusioned. This may be something from the past, and you have learned to live with the letdown. But an event that occurs within the next few weeks may reignite your passion and show you that it really is possible to have what you thought you would have. Don’t let the chance pass you by, Pisces. Let it inspire you to reach for it again. Don’t stop until you have it.

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Pisces horoscope for May 21 2014 by Daily Horoscope (http://bit.ly/DHmobile) May 22, 2014

Filed under: Goals,Good to know,Who I am — larenar13 @ 12:41 am

Pisces horoscope for May 21 2014
Someone important in your life thinks you aren’t reaching your full potential. You are probably keenly aware of this, Pisces. And while it annoys you, you may also recognize that it’s at least partly true. In some area of your life there is a talent or a desire that is not being fulfilled. You want to explore it, but you have put it off – perhaps for quite a long time. Why not allow your annoyance transform into motivation? Make this a way to motivate yourself to finally reach for what you want.

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Pisces horoscope for Apr 20 2014 by Daily Horoscope (http://bit.ly/DHmobile) April 22, 2014

Filed under: Goals,Good to know,Who I am — larenar13 @ 5:27 am

Pisces horoscope for Apr 20 2014
In some area of your life you may be worried that “the right thing” will not happen. You are so worked up over it because you can’t control the outcome, and you may be thinking that it can’t possibly happen as you envision it since you have no authority over it. That’s why you have to trust in the cosmos, and also trust in yourself. A long-awaited endeavor will soon come to an end. You are hoping for a certain outcome, and you shall have it because it is what’s right. Just have faith, Pisces.

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Never Give Up April 16, 2014

Filed under: Goals,Random,Who I am — larenar13 @ 4:31 am

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Sleeeepy April 2, 2014

Filed under: Goals,Good to know,Random,Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 4:30 pm

I feel kind of like a zombie today.  I’m extremely tired.  On the way to work this morning I was struggling to stay awake and I still feel as though I could fall asleep just standing up if I close my eyes.  I need sleep.  I have had a shortage of that this week. 
It’s my lunch break right now so i’m sitting in my car, debating on whether or not to take a nap before returning to work.  I need a second wind.  Once the patients arrive and we get busy I will be fine but I cannot stay awake with nothing to do. 
I’m also worried about my great aunt.  She has been in the hospital for a few days.  She had a heart attack yesterday and is currently in open heart surgery.  I pray that she will make it through.  She’s such a sweet, caring woman and I really hope I get to see her again.  My mom is at the hospital now waiting for her to get out of surgery. 
Of course it doesn’t make my day any better to hear “crazy girl” play on the radio while i’m sitting here in my car.  I havent heard that play on the radio for quite some time.  It just had to come on didn’t it?  That was me and Matthew’s song.  It’s just another reminder of all that I have lost and all I COULD’VE had.  I WILL earn his forgiveness one day somehow, even if it takes me a lifetime to do it. 
Despite all the reasons I have to be down today, I am not in a bad mood at all.  I think it’s the sunshine.  It is so beautiful outside today.  I could be napping right now but i’d rather sit out here and enjoy this. 

 

On A Road To Nowhere March 7, 2014

Filed under: Goals,Relationships,Who I am — larenar13 @ 9:02 pm
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There are so many paths in this world, so many opportunities and experiences we can have.  Some of us get lost trying to find the right path.  I tried to travel down the wrong path and it led me to nothing but regret, guilt and sadness.  I have tested out different paths since then, trying to find the one that will lead me back to where happiness lies.  Most of them were dead ends.  My intentions were right but my directions were wrong.  The road I am traveling on now may or may not be the right one.  There’s no way for me to be sure.  I know what I want and what will make me happy, I just have to be patient and hope that those things are up ahead on this road. 
I can’t help but feel like I am always going to be traveling down a road to nowhere.  I am living in my past and cannot let go of what happened.  My mistakes haunt me and hold me back from moving forward.  I have achieved a lot over the past couple of years.  My success with my education have been amazing and things are great on the work front. I have built better friendships and ended those that weren’t good for me. It’s what goes on in the inside that makes things difficult for me.  No matter how well my life is going in every other aspect, when it comes to my relationship with myself I struggle.  I cannot forgive myself for the past.  I don’t think I will every be able to unless I know that Matthew forgives me.  I don’t care how long it takes or how hard it will be but I will earn his forgiveness some way somehow.  I know I am holding myself back from other opportunities. I know that there are other people out there I could be with but I cannot love them.  Thats not fair to them or me.  I compare everyone to him, down to every detail.  If by chance I were to meet someone that is almost just like him, it still wouldn’t work.  I would be with that person only because they are like matt, not because of who they are.  That is not right.  So here I am traveling down this road which may or may not lead me to happiness.  But I am following my heart and to me that feels right.  I know what I want to be at the other end but is it there?

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Mission Accomplished March 1, 2014

Filed under: Goals,Relationships — larenar13 @ 4:06 am
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All I could think about over the past week is whether or not Matt had received my letter and if he read it.  I needed to know.  I finally asked Adam to see if he could find out for me.  To my surprise he had already asked him.  He did read it along with this blog.  I was not expecting to hear that.  I was hoping he would take the time to read the letter but I never thought he would read my posts too.  I don’t know how many of them he read or if it affected him in any way.  It could’ve just been nothing more than curiousity, but i’m hoping not.   My mood instantly changed after finding that out.  Nothing could’ve ruined my day after that.  The thing that got to me the most over the past year is that he didn’t know how I feel or where I stand.  Now he does.  The letter may change nothing for us but at least he now knows how much I still care for him.  That’s all I wanted.  I’m not expecting anything more right now.  But I am still holding onto the hope that we will be together again in the future no matter how far away that may be. 
The feelings I get when I think of him are so overwhelming. These feelings are always accompanied with sadness and tears but now I can smile through the tears knowing that he read what I wrote to him. At least now I have been able to express my feelings.  All I can do now is wait and pray.  I cannot and will not give up.